yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
