dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
