Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize