My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
