I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
