guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize