Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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