That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
