3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We left an ass print on the piano.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
