I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
