Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
