I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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