Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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