Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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