The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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