you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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