i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
