I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
