who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I've blown a few things in my day
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
