I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
