Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize