just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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