Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
