Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize