He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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