Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
