Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He did a backflip because drugs
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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