just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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