At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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