Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Soap is not a condiment
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
