I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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