very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
