jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
