plz talk dirty to me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
