wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
