Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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