between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
