Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
