well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize