i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
