Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
