just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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