I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
