I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
