Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
