Do vagina's smell?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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