i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
