They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
