You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
whose parrot is this?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
