I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
