Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
