dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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