We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
