she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
