It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
