Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize