You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
