God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize