You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
