yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
