Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
