grandma shit on top of the toilet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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