You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
