Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
