'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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