brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
