Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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