Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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