i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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