I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
