One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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