Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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