Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
being pregnant is like rehab
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
