went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
