oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
