Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I deserve to be covered in dicks
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
