Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
