I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
