she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just invented taco cereal.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I touched a dick in church today
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
