Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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