i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
