Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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